We need to deal with something here... You "hate hate hate ambiguity" and yet you lament the fact that you didn't "jump eagerly into the wonderful unknown". What is more ambiguous than the wonderful unknown? Now, it would seem, you want to alter your character completely. It can be done, you've done it before. At the root of your disdain for ambiguity is, of course, fear. The major changes in life you've made have always had some negative seed at it's root, anger, mistrust, sadness, self-centredness, and now it's fear. It's okay. It's something that most people fear, the unknown. And it's good that you're here at this point in the space/time continuum where you're aware of it, and in a position to root it out.
So don't be afraid anymore. Look into that future... and paint it. Paint it whatever colours you want, include the people you want to keep close, the people you want to meet, the work you want to do. Paint in the world the way you want it to look, the ways you want to change it, the way you want it to be. It is what you think it is... So make it full of potential, possibility, opportunities to teach and learn, grow and help, love and be loved. Know that it is not to be feared because it is of your own design. You're the author of your life. of your future. of your dreams, and of their coming into fruition. And then you'll know there's nothing to fear. And then you will jump eagerly into that wonderful unknown every day of your beautiful life.
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3 comments:
It's almost like an old fantasy book like the kind Dan and I used to read...
(or think LOTR) - that king who saw things horribly..was old and grey and dying and then once he saw the true possibilities he opened up, blossomed.. or ok like that Warden for Aragon.. who only saw that his sons had died even though one was still alive.. he painted his world and that was the only way he was going to see it.. sorry for all the LOTR refs
you are such a freak.
you are who you choose to be.. i really believe that..
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