hello, all. what's up? Jacq --> heyah! it's been good talking to you today. Have you ever had a post almost finished and then just before you publish it you lose it? shit. that sucks. It was so good. ah well. it's interesting that I can't just dig into my psyche to find it. tells me that the whole point of writing is just to get it out of you. once it's gone, generally speaking it doesn't matter if anyone reads it. I don't have to deal with it anymore. It's gone.
Oh I was talking about how I think it's wild that we care what the other one thinks of us. Like we want nothing more than to know the other has read our most recent posts. After all the shit we put each other through back then. do you think he reads our blogs? {does butler ever read douglas coupland?} no, me either. it'd be cool. Sometimes I think he thinks my whole life revolves around him, that everything comes back to him. I'll be the first to admit that there was a time that it could be argued, but it was a very short time. He probably isn't That self centred, but I know he doesn't really know who I am outside of him.
I'm feeling very odd today. Like I have so much I need to do but I really just don't want to do anything but sleep and veg in front of the tube. Like I have to post and send e-mails and do some research and commune but I can't dredge up the energy. Feeling tight and a little sore and not really sad but not particularly happy either. It's okay this day is almost over. Tomorrow will be good, it'll be fresh and new and not vanity at all. That's it, it's what I call An Ecclesiastes Kind of Day. The race is not to the swift, there's a time to every season, all is vanity. But you know that Ecclesiastes also says:
(chapter 12:13) All has been heard; the end of the matter is: Fear God (revere and worship Him, knowing that He is) and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man (the full, original purpose of his creation, the object of God's providence, the root of character, the foundation of all happiness, the adjustment to all inharmonious circumstances and conditions under the sun) and the whole duty for every man.
(v. 14) For God shall bring every work into judgment; with every secret thing, whether it is good or evil.
(This is from the amplified version of the Bible)
Basically it doesn't matter what happens or what we do -- it matters how we handle what comes our way and where we get our strength and inspiration from. Time and chance happens to us all. But what do we do with our God given strengths, abilities and grace to make it all better? That's what's going to matter at the end of the day. And I would say this one wasn't quite a waste.
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4 comments:
>it matters how we handle what comes our way
It's true. You can't change what happens to you, you can only change how you choose to deal with it.
About BMB... funny thing- I don't think that my world ever revolved around him per se although I was more truly me when he was around- I felt everything inside my being that normally I would push down into the depths when others were around, with him it just floated along the surface where I could easily grab onto it and inspect it until the next time around. It doesn't matter where he is now or if I ever see him again because he's left me with the ability to reach those depths and pull them forth in my concious world without needing him around so I've benefited from him and have also been able to leave him in the past which may have never happened had I not run away out west like I had. Make sense?
Jac.
that's it exactly. I know precisely where you're coming from cuz i been there too. i don't even need to say more.
someday you're going to go into some Rep Film House and see a movie by me where I can tell the story he inspired in me.
keep watching!
I'm waiting for the one by him to come out that I probably inspired partially in him since he was writing the summer of ??? not sure what to call that summer yet... but the summer of me. I know it'll shock me that's for sure. I wrote about it to him once. I liked the piece too, maybe I'll try and dig it out and post it in my blog soon- it was a good bye.
Jac.
Yeah. He promised me "Jones" was gonna be his third script. instead he did a doc about graffiti. I can wait.
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