all the small things first. I went to visit Chris at Sunrise to invite him to the St. Paddy's, and if you can believe it, he sold me 2 CD's. Jerk. I've been dying to buy this one: the Killers - Hot Fuss. I love this song "Mr. Bright Side" so much. It comes on and I have to dance. The other day I was getting dressed for work when it came on. It's 7:00 am and I'm thrashing away. Crazy. And it was 2 for $26 so I picked up 3 Doors Down because I like them okay (Although upon consideration, I may have been thinking of 3 Days Grace. Shoot.)
I'm hungry, but I'm not a fan of eating these days, if I had to be honest. My body's committing betrayal on a daily basis.
I've been very hyper, happy, upbeat this week. boys are good for your health.
It's weird when the boy you 'like,' who has a girlfriend and is going away to Cuba with her (I assume) in two weeks, tells you he 'likes' you back, but circumstances prevent your relationship from proceeding beyond the professional / friendship stage at this time. It's this weird psychological split for me. Before his feelings were expressed so explicitly, I knew he liked me but atleast we could just play and enjoy talking and the e-mailing (which is kind of getting out of hand right now...), and I could joke about how I had a big crush on him, and there wasn't this weight on everything. Now, it's under every sentence, behind every thought, and I have to think about how to say everything so he doesn't think I've got an agenda. (I don't.) And I'm sure for him it's the same, he doesn't want to say anything to hurt my feelings.
It's a pain in the ass to have someone fall in love with you. hmmmm. But it's interesting - once those feelings are on the table, even if you're not together and not going to be in the foreseeable future, your friendship becomes solidified and it's like you're stuck together in some way.
On the one hand I'm on a bit of a high, because "you think i'm gorgeous! you wanna kiss me!" but I'm so sad because I can't be with him. boo hoo... But what I love is this. He told me that he really believes in the long run his life will be better for having met me. And I'm the type of person he wants to keep in his life, in whatever capacity he can. Here's the thing about this crush. It's not overtly sexual or lusty (To be honest I'm not 100% sure I'd recognize him if I ran into him on the street. I know he's attractive but I only met him face to face once.) it's about this person who's heart and mind match mine. This person who pushed his way into my brain by giving me advice and not accepting pat answers and pursued a connection in a way I've never seen done before, except by me. He talks about the same things I talk about, we share a lot of the same social values, we even dig the same movies. He's giving and perceptive and accepting and empathic and compassionate and those are the things I like in people, not just guys. dude, where did you come from? {and he's not reading this, anyone's wondering.}
Do you want to hear the worst joke ever, he started an e-mail with this: If you'll excuse me, I'm going to try to write this without using semi-colons. If you ask me, they're a cancer.
Well, nobody's perfect.
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4 comments:
you know your senses of humour or cool are about the same thing. case in point. Your comment about 3 days grace. shoot was classic. As was the "my body's committing betrayal on a daily basis" They really flow with his semi-colon statement which in my opinion you should LOVE!
you know he can do no wrong in my eyes. I love his jokes, the bad ones especially.
I heart 3 Doors Down! I've been listening to "Let me Go" and "If I could be like that" all the time!
I think it's great that he's not reading, even though he could... that to me, shows respect. *sigh* sounds like you got a great one! my fingers are crossed for you :)
It must be my hair color showing through.. because I'm not getting the joke *looks around sheepishly*
colon cancer. he's making a pun in bad taste. and as steve says, just like I would.
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