¿the case against dating?

i'm not a big fan of the modern construct we call dating. Definitely there are circumstances where it works, where it's beautiful, lovely and beneficial to the lives of both people involved. But it seems to me, as a concept, it is fraught with drama, trauma and more trouble than it's worth. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, in terms of my present, my past and my future. I currently do not have a boyfriend. I have not had a boyfriend in a long time. I've loved guys who I never dated and I've dated guys I never loved. There have been times when I filtered from a guy the connection that was available - part mental, mostly physical and little to no emotional - because it was what he had to contribute and because I didn't care to fight for more.

I just think sometimes we date because we think we are supposed to. We are groomed, in our society, to "partner up" and forge these relationships and be romantically entangled. Like in the movies. Someone who will be on our arm at all the parties, someone to talk to whenever we have something to say, someone we can have sex with when we "feel romantic" (read: need physical release). Someone who looks good beside us. Look, I think these things are great. But this is not enough of a reason to have a relationship. Relationships are hard. They come with complications, entanglements, confusion, hurt and pain. Even the good ones.

So, do I want a boyfriend? Hell yeah, with a very important distinction. I want a partner in crime, I want him to be someone who is so very special. Not just any boy will do, you see. He must be strong, and sweet, and able to function emotionally, and intelligent. He must be of such integrity and character. He should have good (or atleast distinctive) taste in music and movies and books. He should be able to discuss politics and economics and world matters with me, and he should have a different set of expertise than me so we can teach each other. He should be worthy of my respect and admiration, he should impress me everyday with some new part of himself. And he should be as impressed with me as I am with him. He should be worth all the trouble, and he should see me as being worth all the trouble. He must fall in love with me as hard as I fall in love with him.

I didn't intend to turn this into a wish list. But dammit, Lisa, you got me thinkin with your post What I want in a lover besides love. I think what I wrote is not really the case against dating at all. It's an explanation to why I am not too upset that I don't have a string of "This guy I once dated..." stories anywhere near as long as some people my age. I'm not sure that I missed much. And I know what I want - and deserve - so clearly that I won't settle for anything less. exeunt...