most definitely, i have stuff to blog about...

but where does one even start?

I'm "drowning in randomness" so I don't know. Seems for the last little while I've been...ummm...distracted? A self inflicted distraction to keep me from dealing with "my shit." poor Big Daddy, became the victim or object of my affection and all so unnecessarily. not that he isn't deserving, not that he isn't wonderful, not that my feelings for him don't still linger. but I can remember the very moment I gave birth to the need for him... an almost fully-formed, conscious thought: I need a new crush. Because why? none of your beeswax, actually. sorry, I know, normally full disclosure is my policy. but I can't, not this time.

Amazing, though, how that works. It works whether the thing you want, need, ask for, decide on, is good for you you or not. the moment I decided I needed a new boy to throw my attention, love, desire, mind on - there he was. Pushing his way into my life, insisting that we be friends with virtual benefits. And in the same vain, almost consciously I assumed he must be som'n special cos I asked for him and he was given to me.

And now, things have changed or cooled off. Either one of us backed off and the other responded in kind (which one, I couldn't tell you) or we both backed off at the same time, and it is what it is but I miss him. My instinct - and with my big daddy I always always always follow my very first instinct - is to just go with the flow, let it be what it be and maybe it'll change again or maybe it'll die. So that's what I'm doing. But I'm missing my big daddy, I'm not writing poetry, I'm not in a cloud. I'm back on earth. drowning in all the questions that hit me so fast and furious, and so random about what to do now about my career, my education, my future. So if you are wondering why I'm not as light and bright and all that as I have been, that's why. It's not all bad. But it's not fun right now.

but i do have lots to say so I'm sure I'll blog again soon.
until then,
moi.