great minds think alike

To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest critics; to appreciate beauty; to give of one's self, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived
---that is to have succeeded

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Kristy and I both got inspired by this quote from separate sources in recent days. I can't even remember where I read this recently but I loved it and wanted to post it. And there, on Kristy's blog, she posted it.

I have a lot of things on my mind these days and am processing sooooo much that these inspirational quotes keep me going. That and my 3 girlfriends which are providing me the "big big loan from the girls zone" that I so need.

So, later.

hi hi hi!

dudes, are my posts too long?

An Ecclesiastes Kind of Day.

hello, all. what's up? Jacq --> heyah! it's been good talking to you today. Have you ever had a post almost finished and then just before you publish it you lose it? shit. that sucks. It was so good. ah well. it's interesting that I can't just dig into my psyche to find it. tells me that the whole point of writing is just to get it out of you. once it's gone, generally speaking it doesn't matter if anyone reads it. I don't have to deal with it anymore. It's gone.

Oh I was talking about how I think it's wild that we care what the other one thinks of us. Like we want nothing more than to know the other has read our most recent posts. After all the shit we put each other through back then. do you think he reads our blogs? {does butler ever read douglas coupland?} no, me either. it'd be cool. Sometimes I think he thinks my whole life revolves around him, that everything comes back to him. I'll be the first to admit that there was a time that it could be argued, but it was a very short time. He probably isn't That self centred, but I know he doesn't really know who I am outside of him.

I'm feeling very odd today. Like I have so much I need to do but I really just don't want to do anything but sleep and veg in front of the tube. Like I have to post and send e-mails and do some research and commune but I can't dredge up the energy. Feeling tight and a little sore and not really sad but not particularly happy either. It's okay this day is almost over. Tomorrow will be good, it'll be fresh and new and not vanity at all. That's it, it's what I call An Ecclesiastes Kind of Day. The race is not to the swift, there's a time to every season, all is vanity. But you know that Ecclesiastes also says:
(chapter 12:13) All has been heard; the end of the matter is: Fear God (revere and worship Him, knowing that He is) and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man (the full, original purpose of his creation, the object of God's providence, the root of character, the foundation of all happiness, the adjustment to all inharmonious circumstances and conditions under the sun) and the whole duty for every man.
(v. 14) For God shall bring every work into judgment; with every secret thing, whether it is good or evil.
(This is from the amplified version of the Bible)

Basically it doesn't matter what happens or what we do -- it matters how we handle what comes our way and where we get our strength and inspiration from. Time and chance happens to us all. But what do we do with our God given strengths, abilities and grace to make it all better? That's what's going to matter at the end of the day. And I would say this one wasn't quite a waste.

Have you really left me behind?

this post is really for only one person. who, if she ever comes here will know it's for her.

I think about you every day. No kidding. the obvious: when I go to Just Breathe and you're conspicuously absent from the daily discussions and other fun stuff going on, I wonder if you ever lurk. And I bet you read my posts and it makes you so mad. How dare life go on for her without me! I know, I feel the same. Except I see no evidence of you... at any of the old haunts. stomping grounds. when i see the mugs you bought me with the M&M's on them, when I listen to my Alicia Keys CD, when I watch Soap Operas or anything remotely angsty. Whenever I watch the National or talk about politics. (I can't even bring my self to watch the BBC News)
the not so obvious: whenever I think about thinking, or think about things that most people wouldn't understand. you would understand. if I see 2 rocking chairs. when I want someone to be able to look at my face or hear the inflection in my voice and not only know what i'm thinking, but know How I Feel about thinking what I'm thinking. No one does. Even "Steve" sometimes has no idea why I'm blathering on about whatever I'm blathering on about. though he tries.
When I have a new crush (not that it happens all that often...) I need to be able to talk about the way his face changed so subtly when he looked at me last night, or when he said that certain word that i love ("...the bain of my existence...") or just why he is The One I'll never get over. (I still haven't...over any of them! Even the first one! You knew that.) Everyone else just laughs about my crushiness, say that I'm so funny. They don't understand why I connect with guys Like That and that it's one of the things that make me interesting. It adds to me as a person. There's always something about him that I really admire and I want to look deeper at it. Each one of these things makes me who I am.

okay. 15 years of friendship down the drain. this is a really hard thing to write about. I don't know how to end this muhfoh. dude, I hope you see this.

what have I left behind?

what a crap week. my company that I work for, like I mentioned last time, is a fucking joke. an absolute joke. don't get me wrong I like everyone there, just about. a few people I've even really grown to love - that comes so easily to me. but they do not work as a team, they work as little factions and all have such malleable loyalties if you can call them that. they are all stagnant and have really stopped evolving. that's what happens when your boss really does nothing to help people grow, because he's a spineless, second generation little brat who acts with integrity only when it's convenient for him. That's the point of integrity, dude, if you don't have it in the tough times you don't really have it. You know?

Okay, people can evolve even if work sucks. but work actually SUCKS like a vacuum. it steals your energy and your desire and your fuel to grow and expand your horizons and become more integrated and whole as a human being. So I understand why they've given up. I will never give up. And I must must must do whatever I can to help some of these people give up their giving up. I must. Then, and only then will I feel like it's okay to move on from that place. (For anyone who is asking why I don't just leave.)