Friday, October 05, 2007

Hugging Life : A Practical Guide to Artful Hugging by Martin Neufeld

The 5 Principles of Hugging (Condensed)

hug with respect  
Every person’s ability or willingness to express physical intimacy is different. By respecting your limits and those of your hugging partner, you honor each other and you honor the beauty of your humanity.

hug without conditions
A hug, like love, must be unconditional for it to become deeply meaningful. When you give freely from the heart, with out expectations, you invariably receive far greater then your heart ever desired, this is the law of the Universe. 

hug with heart 
Every hug is, to one degree or another, the physical manifestation of Divine love. If your intention, when hugging another, is purely loving then your spirit will be lifted up, as comfort and joy fill the hearts of all who share your heartfelt embrace. 

hug with gratitude  
A hug is a beautiful, life affirming, expression of our humanity. It is through this simple yet profound gesture that gratitude and reverence for the sacredness of life can be expressed and honored. 

hug the moment  
Every hug, every person you hug, deserves your complete undivided attention. In this moment of divine sharing take the time to be fully present and mindful. This is your life, right Now!, so Breathe it, Enjoy it, Appreciate it, Embrace it and Share it!"

Sunday, August 19, 2007

declaring what I want, seeing and dreaming

people have told me that if I want to get married, I need to make a list of all the things I want in a husband. So I did. Now, let's just get this straight: I would like to get hitched, but I will not be marrying just some slob. I'd rather be single than settle for a life less than the one I expect for myself. And this is not a classified ad, I'm simply 'putting it out there' so God knows what he's working with.

So here he is, in a nutshell:
  1. smart & educated
  2. practical & resourceful
  3. ambitious & energetic
  4. kind/thoughtful/sensitive
  5. patient, peaceful and inspires peacefulness in those around him no matter what the circumstances he faces
  6. always willing to give love and affection, and never withholds
  7. does not use passive-aggressive "communication"
  8. slow to anger
  9. honest, good character and holds fast to his integrity
  10. my age or younger
  11. good looking & healthy
  12. enjoys life and has a sense of humour... and the big stuff:
  13. our life together is on a firm foundation of the word of God
  14. he encourages me and responds to my encouragement
  15. he is my partner and my co-pilot. I am not just along for his ride, sometimes he is the navigator on my journey.
  16. he never forgets that I am my own person with opinions, feelings and beliefs that come from an experience and life separate from him
  17. he shares a similar vision for life as me, we are going in the same direction

I really don't think that's too much to ask for, do you?

Monday, July 02, 2007

the medium is the message (or, Why I need a break from facebook for a while)

dreaming is one thing you can't do enough of. No more status updates beginning with the words "Kristin is..." Atleast for a little while. Time to get back to me, the girl I'm s'posed to be.

Marshall McLuhan said that the medium is the message. His are not the simplest theories to understand, but they relate to communication and the media, and they related to individuals too. Simply put, the technology that we use changes us insofar as it changes the way our mind works; our minds will mirror the technology with which it must relate. This has ramifications for society at large as well. The virus that is facebook has infected all users with a new way of thinking. After a few months of relating with facebook at a fairly intense level, I started to notice that I am not really the same me anymore. My opinions and feelings and thoughts have not changed, but the way they are processed has changed, and so has the quality and depth. I am not enjoying my life as deeply as I should be, and I miss that. For my personal life, there is nothing more important to me than my mind and my thoughts - and I really do feel that they have suffered.

Also I am not as self aware during the challenging parts of my life either. The last couple of years have been very difficult for me, being in a constant state of flux unable to really transition or become accustomed to anything before the next change... so I've been rolling with the punches okay, but one difference I have seen lately is that I am not really dealing with my feelings about any of it and at times I am completely unaware of my feelings. My mind-space stopped resembling my blog, and began resembling my facebook profile. It's all surface, without any thought for what's underneath. And what's underneath is what's important. When I was all about the blog, a reader could pop in and check out basically any part of my thought life. But since I've been all about facebook, all you get is a status update with a relatively low character limit that forces me to define my life in a sentence or two - as long as I can start with the words "Kristin is..."

When surprising and wonderful things happen, I want nothing more than to be able to dive in just feel everything. I want to really be alive, not just online.

Monday, May 21, 2007

in my humble opinion...

yesterday I had the opportunity to have a political debate with a person who is happily on the opposite end of the political spectrum as I. On the ride home he was playing Toby Keith, and I said I was more of a Dixie Chicks fan... and of course this became a debate on the virtues on the war on Iraq. The thing is I was not even remotely invested in the discussion. I knew I wasn't going to change his mind and he wasn't going to change mine. The thing about opinions is that really they are an extension of our ideal. In my idea of a perfect world, my opinions reflect the political, economical and philosophical truths perfectly. But as much as I know, I really don't know shit. I know a teeny tiny sliver of everything there is to know, which is why my opinion really can only be defended to a point. Just as my conservative troop supporting pal's opinion can only be defended to a point. political discussions don't have to end friendships if we understand what the other guy is really saying, if I can imagine the ideal world that he is imagining I will see that it's probably not that different from the one I am... it's just that his way of getting there is not as good as mine. haha... just kidding.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

don't think twice, it's alright

so what happens when a 30 year old girl moves back home to her dad's house after ten years out on her own? well, just imagine it. how do you think her independence, her strength, her sense of self and her cultivated optimism stands up against the father who still treats her like a teenager and his new wife who treats her differently every day, when she's not completely ignoring her? how do you think her cat adapts to a new cluttered environment, two new cats and a dog?

okay well I'll start with the cat. for the first four days after we moved, the cat didn't leave my bedroom, and she peed on my duvet the first day. I still haven't been able to get her to use a litter box other than the one in my room so I live with the not-so-faint odour of cat pee as the customized room fragrance. Today was the first day the cat came into the basement - stairs being a new concept for her. And when confronted by a yappy dog, I've heard noises from my cat I didn't know she could make - throaty growls, hisses with bared teeth, and angry scrowly meowing that's reminiscent of jungle dwelling felines.

maybe next time I'll have sorted through some of the stuff I've been overwhelmed in my latest transition, and I'll actually be able to give you the update.

Whenever I've gone through transitions in my life like this, ones I knew were coming, I've handled them similarly. I just take care of the external details that I need to but not let the whole thing get inside. I don't mentally prepare, I don't plan for the emotional upheaval. I think it's hard enough to deal with transitions as they happen but to try to prepare for them just drags the torment out longer. You know? Well, I don't know I could be wrong. But you can't know what you're going to feel, so how can you possibly prepare for it?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

The Butler Brothers host the Slackers Film Festival/Odyssey

A life alterring experience, seeing the latest film by The Butler Brothers and Substance Productions, Confusions of an Unmarried Couple. Not to mention finally meeting Jason Butler or Jabutts - who I felt like I knew from his monologues in the film Bums. He seemed to know me too... I wonder what Brett said about me... hmmm. The night took me places that I did not expect, including a random 'celebrity' sighting.

So the Slacker Film Festival, held at the Reg Hartt Cineforum. Which is really just the home of Reg Hartt, a consummate film buff and eccentric by all accounts. My $10 ticket included a copy of the Special Edition DVD of the latest Substance Productions film, Confusions of an unmarried couple. It was a true slacker festival where you were invited to bring a case of beer. But for the uninitiated and unpracticed slacker like myself who does not have her priorities straight (no trip to the beer store planned), there was blissfully a supply of Muskoka Lager and Honey Brown for me. I think there was even pizza. And I do wonder if it's a coincidence that the "gala event" fell on 4/20 - planned or providence... no comment?

Confusions of an Unmarried Couple. Written and Directed and pretty much everything by the Butler Brothers. Cinematography by Jason Butler. Music and original songs by Ryan Noel. Starring Brett Butler and Naomi Johnson. 3 thumbs up - so good, i borrowed a thumb. Surprising, funny, brutally honest and yet more refined than the previous 2 'brews', and brilliantly acted. Brett Butler & Naomi Johnston put in consistently great performances as a couple dealing with the aftermath of infidelity and trying to figure out what it means that the infidelity coincides with a marriage proposal. The Butlers took home the Audience Choice Award at the Indiana University Film Festival, and are nominated for Best Film at the second biggest film festival in the UK (coming up in May) for this film.

In true slacker fashion, it took over an hour for the VIP crew to finally leave the theatre and make their staggering way over to Sneaky Dee's (just doors down from the house with the neon Cineforum sign in the front window) where Brett treated me to a pint of Waterloo dark and we destroyed a plate of nachos. (We definitely lost the competition for the most effective rationing of chip to dip in the Kingscrown Nachos race.)

As a slacker in training, I was not aware of the potential need for walking shoes, so I had some discomfort when it came time for us, at 2 am!!!, to try to find a barbecue party that this Californian filmmaker had been told about that was about 5 blocks west and 4 blocks south of sneaky's. Picture it, 6 drunken party hunters (some with VIP lanyards) wandering down an old residential area in little italy at 2:30. And there's the crazy Cali film dude talking to this poor blonde girl walking by herself up ahead... and then there's this cocky obnoxious redhead behind us yelling "um that's my girlfriend there, do you mind, thank you..." as he blows through the VIP posse and I realize that I know him and say "hey that's Christian" (the commercial guy from the listerine commercials among many things.) We never did find the party. But for me the fun was in the search.

The leather straps from my thong sandals are stretching out of shape from all the walking, so by the time we started walking east back along Dundas (or as the American dude named Scott who looked almost identical to Vince Vaughan and who was even funnier!!! said... DUNdis.) they were slipping off the back of my heel after about 30 paces. The butler brothers enjoyed making fun of me about how I didn't plan ahead with proper footware, but I like to think they were a little impressed at how I didn't complain. but that's just how I roll.

I finally arrived home in the Echo at 3:30. After dropping Graham off at his car, the 6 inches vaguely resembling a seat became free for Brett so I blissfully had time to recover from having him on my leg pretty much all the way home. That was a fun ride, I'm not complaining. I definitely think Brett had the worst of it, between the parking break on his left and the roof right at his head and having to lean on the headrests. Graham was also pretty squished in with all of the boxes of DVD's and equipment in the backseat.

So the moral of the story is that with those Butler Brothers, you can never know what to expect. But it will always be good times. And you should probably wear comfy shoes.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

same subject

He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality, and will never therefore make any progress.

Anwar Al Sadat

Monday, April 09, 2007

think happy thoughts. think happy thoughts. think happy thoughts...

life builds on itself. every day - if I'm doing it right - I learn something to help me grow from yesterday and the things I was trying to figure out. I feel good that today was one of those days. I got some solid answers about how to line up tasks and really saw everything working out for the best. And I see 2 more A's (or even A+'es) being added on to my repertoire...

Yesterday was one of those days too actually. The teaching at fellowship was very thought provoking and really rang true for my life. I can really see some concrete solutions to improving the quality of my 'lifespace' (a term I learned this week in Managing Change and Transitions).

So back to today! We were studying Coping Skills related to adapting to change and transition and the teacher mentioned a study she had seen about the internal monologue we have as we go through our day. Well you know that I pretty strongly believe that our life is formed in large part by our thoughts. So apparently there's this study that found that 90% of the thoughts we have in a given day about ourself, about the world around us and the impact we can have on it are NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. 90%. Dude. So pretend you have 500 thoughts a day. That's 450 negative thoughts. 50 positive (or just neutral analytical thougts every day. SJ, you mentioned the blue book. Those 450 negative thoughts imprison you inside a pattern of perception of yourself. Those 450 negative thoughts defeat you because you don't even try things you want to try, since those thoughts have convinced you that there's no point. You could never achieve that.

And actually it's controversial. From a very cursory bit of research I note that the average person has between 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day depending on if they are a 'deep thinker' or a writer. I daresay many of those thoughts are barely formed, some wordlessly made of images, some may be related to involuntary biological functions.

So say you had 11,000+ negative thoughts in a day. Some of those are angry thoughts. Some of those are thoughts about past failure. You are saying 11,000 nasty things about yourself every day. That's like 11,000 people each saying something crappy to you.

What would happen if you could train yourself to turn those all into positive thoughts? Oh my God. Just imagine how many things you would no longer be afraid to try? Just imagine how quickly your self esteem would soar into the heavens? Of course you know you can do that. There are techniques piling up out there on just how to do that. But you don't really need to spend money to learn them. Just have the courage to tell yourself to stop thinking that - and I mean this concretely, that for every bit of 'stinkin thinkin' you stop and correct it with a positive. Yeah. Replace it. Dude, imagine the things we can get done?

Sunday, April 08, 2007

may the force be with you

Yoda, and even Luke Skywalker would tell you that you do not need to give yourself over to the darkside for it to really ruin you, even just temporarily.

I have seen the darkside. I gave it a good once over. I examined it from the border; poked at the covering layers; explored the breadth of the border from coast to coast. I did not go in. I'm pretty sure it didn't notice me scanning and poking around, I believe I am safe for now. But make no mistake, it has invaded my thoughts and crept up by way of fears I should not have. Memories of heartache and betrayal that I thought were buried. But what I have learned is that if a memory gets you in the throat than you are still holding something that you need to let go of because it is keeping you from being who you are supposed to be. You can't be who you are supposed to be if you are still trying to be (or just can't let go of) who you were before. So if you are in between who you were and who you are going to be... who the hell are you? Who the hell am I?

Everyone knows - even Anakin, although he learned too late - that the only way to keep yourself strong and safe from the dark side is to call upon the force, to allow the force to be strong in you. The force. The light. It needs to be your guide from the inside out. So may the force be with me and with you.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

people can be really amazing...

So first I need to say I really need to start being more careful about what I watch on TV. the last 2 nights I've watched documentaries that were just heartbreaking. It started on monday watching the hour with george stroumboulopoulos and his first guest was Stephan Jones, the son of the infamous cult leader responsible for the Jonestown massacre. This guy just squeaked by being a part of the death toll which was about 914. I have a lot of thoughts about the tragedy, but what really struck me was hearing about the survivors. Stephan was about 18 at the time, so now I guess he's 46. The 10 minute interview (which was George's first really good interview in a very long time) really had me in tears. And they talked about the documentary which would air tuesday night on vision... and I watched it at midnight. and then I was up until 4 reading about it online. I've heard it said that 9/11 was the day the world changed (from an American perspective) but I think if you asked anyone who was around at the time, they would say november 18, 1978 was pretty effing huge in that regard too. Jim Jones' soldiers murdered a US congressmen, some journalists from NBC and church 'defectors' before driving back to the commune and making sure that everyone present drank the koolaid (at gunpoint if they refused), shooting Jim Jones (cause he couldn't bring himself to drink) and then drinking themselves. One guy was arrested at the airfield and imprisoned until 2002, but other than that I think they all died.

Right, I said I didn't want to focus on the tragedy... but you know, just to make sure you know what I'm talking about.

Stephan actually said in the doc, that if he'd been on site he believes he would have drank the juice. he had a pretty strong will to live, but he also cared a great deal about the community and his place in it. And even though he knew his dad was crazy... his mom drank it, and he loved her more than anything else. But it was his mom who made sure he left when he did. And now he's married and has three daughters. And I look at these people who survived (some who defected with the congressman's party and survived the shooting, some reporters and family members who had been visiting with the party) and what hits me is that to survive something like that and really manage to be a whole person they needed to hyper evolve by their thought and emotional life in order to heal. They are more well-adjusted than the average person walking around, more in touch with their emotions... and they would need to be, you know?

It's tragic to think of the last moments of those who drank, the way they were manipulated and lied to in order to believe that it was the best option available for them. To think that they watched all the children die... and I believe that after that point there was no way any of them would want to live. But it's absolutely inspiring to think about the moral courage of people who survived and went about to live full lives and become happy individuals. It seems easier for me now to maintain my momentum on my way to fulfilling the life I can. You know?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I just don't think I'll ever get over you

(song by Colin Hay, also in the Garden State soundtrack)

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

say kristin, what's up with the slightly less upbeat new title?

well, thanks for asking. I guess it happens to all of us, eventually. Remember from the Breakfast Club, how when you grow up your heart dies? Well mine finally did. Nooooo,... just kidding!!! It's just something I've been thinking about for a while. Resisting. I'm still an advocate for dreaming and wanting big things for my life. That will not stop. But certain things one thinks she wants may only be holding her back from being able to see the possibilities... one needs to look honestly at this, and have the courage to let go. I guess I should not say more or you'll start guessing what the eff I'm talking about. I know you think you know already. Half of you might even be right.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

wake up every day as if it is on purpose... (Hitch)

from "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau. not the easiest book i've ever read because it constantly asks me to exert more energy in thought. but well worth the work.

Every morning was a cheerful invitation to make my life of equal simplicity, and I may say innocence, with Nature herself. I have been as sincere a worshipper of Aurora as the Greeks. I got up early and bathed in the pond; that was a religious exercise, and one of the best things which I did. They say that characters were engraven on the bathing tub of King Tching Thang) to this effect: "Renew thyself completely each day; do it again, and again, and forever again." I can understand that. Morning brings back the heroic ages. I was as much affected by the faint hum of a mosquito making its invisible and unimaginable tour through my apartment at earliest dawn, when I was sitting with door and windows open, as I could be by any trumpet that ever sang of fame. It was Homer's requiem; itself an Iliad and Odyssey in the air, singing its own wrath and wanderings. There was something cosmical about it; a standing advertisement, till forbidden, of the everlasting vigor and fertility of the world. The morning, which is the most memorable season of the day, is the awakening hour. Then there is least somnolence in us; and for an hour, at least, some part of us awakes which slumbers all the rest of the day and night. Little is to be expected of that day, if it can be called a day, to which we are not awakened by our Genius, but by the mechanical nudgings of some servitor, are not awakened by our own newly acquired force and aspirations from within, accompanied by the undulations of celestial music, instead of factory bells, and a fragrance filling the air — to a higher life than we fell asleep from; and thus the darkness bear its fruit, and prove itself to be good, no less than the light. That man who does not believe that each day contains an earlier, more sacred, and auroral hour than he has yet profaned, has despaired of life, and is pursuing a descending and darkening way. After a partial cessation of his sensuous life, the soul of man, or its organs rather, are reinvigorated each day, and his Genius tries again what noble life it can make. All memorable events, I should say, transpire in morning time and in a morning atmosphere. The Vedas say, "All intelligences awake with the morning." Poetry and art, and the fairest and most memorable of the actions of men, date from such an hour. All poets and heroes, like Memnon, are the children of Aurora, and emit their music at sunrise. To him whose elastic and vigorous thought keeps pace with the sun, the day is a perpetual morning. It matters not what the clocks say or the attitudes and labors of men. Morning is when I am awake and there is a dawn in me. Moral reform is the effort to throw off sleep. Why is it that men give so poor an account of their day if they have not been slumbering? They are not such poor calculators. If they had not been overcome with drowsiness, they would have performed something. The millions are awake enough for physical labor; but only one in a million is awake enough for effective intellectual exertion, only one in a hundred millions to a poetic or divine life. To be awake is to be alive. I have never yet met a man who was quite awake. How could I have looked him in the face?
We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details, worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour. If we refused, or rather used up, such paltry information as we get, the oracles would distinctly inform us how this might be done.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

my first ever rewrite

oceans emotions

a few days ago
i saw your face unexpectedly in a photo
and it was the heaviest anchor weighed upon my heart...
it was the most forceful wave of feeling and tears
I have felt in a very long time.
it felt so right
but I can't look too much longer
this picture may be the end of me
my lungs fill up with ache
my heart can't beat against the press
i drown in the photos of your eyes
I can't help but stare too long at the promise of your smile
because there's something about this memory of feelings
that's more real than the real feelings I barely feel now

Friday, January 26, 2007

desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Do I dare...?

do i dare
think about you deeply enough
to write a poem?
a few days ago
i saw your face unexpectedly in a photo
and it was the heaviest anchor weighed upon my heart...
it was the most forceful wave of feeling and tears
I have felt in a very long time
and it felt so right
I can't look too much longer
this picture may be the end of me
my heart forgets how to beat
I have to force the breath out of my lungs
I can't explain how focussed I have become since,
not focussed on you but on me
slowly becoming strong enough to turn away
from what can't matter as much to me
as what I understand you do
as what I feel everything should do

Monday, January 15, 2007

dear diary,

what a day. and it's barely started. I spoke today for the first time in two years, and it really fucking hurt my throat. but you know, i did not want to give my captors the satisfaction of breaking me so silence was the only way. when I spoke today, it was to confirm to bill and the president that yes, in fact I would be the saviour of mankind once again and die at the hands of the terrorists. and honest to goodness I was relieved to be done with this life once and for all, and to have my death mean something. Some accuse me of having a messiah complex. But just because I may have that complex doesn't mean I'm not the saviour. Normally my calls to sacrifice are more subtle. I go in knowing I'll probably die but nobody is blatantly asking me to be tortured and die so that the terrorists bombing the country (seemingly) in an arbitrary manner can be stopped. And dammit-all to hell if that bastard wasn't lying to the president about the people responsible just so that he could kill me. That guy was actually the one doing all the bombing. He should have known that telling me I would die for nothing would make me fight. I know, you're thinking "but did you have to bite that guy's flesh off?". Well I didn't hear you coming up with anything better so just bite me. (haha. lol and alllll that shit.) So that brings us up to like 7 am or something. Me sitting in the tunnels beneath fayed's safehouse basically a moment away from being discovered. and one of his men tell him that they gotta go or else the operation will be jeopardized. and once again, Jack Bauer survives by the skin of his teeth. big surprise. (they can't kill me off, not with my contract... ha suckers).

the rest would take me so long to explain all the back story... suffice it to say that I could not have imagined at that time that a nuclear bomb would be going off before 10 this morning. And I really did not expect to be working with Assad, a man with a 20 year career as a terrorist, and basically securing his pardon. But shit he gave me some good information. I want to trust him, even though he did shove a knife into that guy's kneecap. Dude, that was sick. I seriously almost ralfed. One thing that didn't surprise me was that this freaking useless president (and that hag Karen and all of his other shortsighted 'advisors') would not listen to a word I said and because of him all of my worst case scenarios almost came true - had I not intervened I don't even know what would have happened. Well the day would have been over before it started. And then the other thing that of course never comes as a shock is the apologetic, sincere words of the president just before he asks me to take responsibility for the operation and basically give everything I have for my country. I wanted to tell him to fuck off. I wanted to say 'after the shit you put me through this morning already? are you kidding me?" But true to my far-too-patriotic character I heard myself uttering those oh-so-very Jack words "I'll do my best, sir." If I had been standing beside me I might have kicked my teeth in, and I'm not even kidding. I almost missed my prison cell in China.

Damn, I wonder how Audrey is. I so need to get some. 2 years... God.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

just so you know I'm still here...

a quote

make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood...
make big plans, aim high in hope and work.

Daniel H. Burnham


I just like that. if you're going to dream make it big or don't bother.