Friday, January 26, 2007

desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Do I dare...?

do i dare
think about you deeply enough
to write a poem?
a few days ago
i saw your face unexpectedly in a photo
and it was the heaviest anchor weighed upon my heart...
it was the most forceful wave of feeling and tears
I have felt in a very long time
and it felt so right
I can't look too much longer
this picture may be the end of me
my heart forgets how to beat
I have to force the breath out of my lungs
I can't explain how focussed I have become since,
not focussed on you but on me
slowly becoming strong enough to turn away
from what can't matter as much to me
as what I understand you do
as what I feel everything should do

Monday, January 15, 2007

dear diary,

what a day. and it's barely started. I spoke today for the first time in two years, and it really fucking hurt my throat. but you know, i did not want to give my captors the satisfaction of breaking me so silence was the only way. when I spoke today, it was to confirm to bill and the president that yes, in fact I would be the saviour of mankind once again and die at the hands of the terrorists. and honest to goodness I was relieved to be done with this life once and for all, and to have my death mean something. Some accuse me of having a messiah complex. But just because I may have that complex doesn't mean I'm not the saviour. Normally my calls to sacrifice are more subtle. I go in knowing I'll probably die but nobody is blatantly asking me to be tortured and die so that the terrorists bombing the country (seemingly) in an arbitrary manner can be stopped. And dammit-all to hell if that bastard wasn't lying to the president about the people responsible just so that he could kill me. That guy was actually the one doing all the bombing. He should have known that telling me I would die for nothing would make me fight. I know, you're thinking "but did you have to bite that guy's flesh off?". Well I didn't hear you coming up with anything better so just bite me. (haha. lol and alllll that shit.) So that brings us up to like 7 am or something. Me sitting in the tunnels beneath fayed's safehouse basically a moment away from being discovered. and one of his men tell him that they gotta go or else the operation will be jeopardized. and once again, Jack Bauer survives by the skin of his teeth. big surprise. (they can't kill me off, not with my contract... ha suckers).

the rest would take me so long to explain all the back story... suffice it to say that I could not have imagined at that time that a nuclear bomb would be going off before 10 this morning. And I really did not expect to be working with Assad, a man with a 20 year career as a terrorist, and basically securing his pardon. But shit he gave me some good information. I want to trust him, even though he did shove a knife into that guy's kneecap. Dude, that was sick. I seriously almost ralfed. One thing that didn't surprise me was that this freaking useless president (and that hag Karen and all of his other shortsighted 'advisors') would not listen to a word I said and because of him all of my worst case scenarios almost came true - had I not intervened I don't even know what would have happened. Well the day would have been over before it started. And then the other thing that of course never comes as a shock is the apologetic, sincere words of the president just before he asks me to take responsibility for the operation and basically give everything I have for my country. I wanted to tell him to fuck off. I wanted to say 'after the shit you put me through this morning already? are you kidding me?" But true to my far-too-patriotic character I heard myself uttering those oh-so-very Jack words "I'll do my best, sir." If I had been standing beside me I might have kicked my teeth in, and I'm not even kidding. I almost missed my prison cell in China.

Damn, I wonder how Audrey is. I so need to get some. 2 years... God.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

just so you know I'm still here...

a quote

make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood...
make big plans, aim high in hope and work.

Daniel H. Burnham


I just like that. if you're going to dream make it big or don't bother.