around every corner,
at the next stop I make,
any detour I may take,
if I stop for a coffee break,
could you be there?
places you would never be,
I know of hope
there's not a trace
yet I still feel disappointed
when I don't find your face.
always I'm wondering,
and I carry you with with me
we're never together
we'll never be, not ever?
And I can't decide
if my heart is empty
wanting you to fulfill my every dream
or if my heart is full
of the potent longing
that seems to fuel me...
all my steps,
it energizes me
from my depths
to write the poetry
and do my ab crunches
and work on my triceps
and read the books
that make me better
to not watch any more TV
(except 24, The Hour, and
documentaries on the CBC)
so potentially tragic
so kinetically wanting
so chemically reacting
to the "me" you inspire
I wouldn't trade this desire
and I dig this ache
that makes life so vivid...
that makes every earthly heartache
and every heartbreak under the sun so beautiful
and colours the world
around me so violently.
I take a deep breath
but it's never enough.
I need so much more
than I ever did before.
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4 comments:
I agree, great post! In a lot of ways it defines what I'm feeling too.. especially the first two parts. wow
kinda sounds like the effect BMB had on me... and I guess in a way still does in terms of what I need in someone else- that depth, the ability to pull stuff out of me that I don't know exists...
jac,absolutely. "bmb" was nothing if not a major catalyst in my life for some amazing creativity and energy. and positive changes. like hearing his response to someone asking "what are your major pet peeves?", which was "I don't have any. don't you think they're by nature petty?" and from that moment on I decided to not have pet peeves. that I was not going to allow anyone else's flaws or pettiness or whatev, take me off my game. so many times something he said catalyzed a change in perspective for me, sometimes even on purpose. in a lot of ways, butler is such a highly evolved individual. I wish I'd had a blog back then.
bmb was the reason I started writing again... and I do have so much to show for it but so little of it is posted in my LJ- maybe one day. It's funny though because I read what I've written and realize how far I've come. There's another boy here bb who is similar to bmb in terms of what he brings out of me but the big difference is that he doesn't know himself yet... :[
Oh, and that post from that chick- she took it down!!!
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